January 21, 2012

DAY JOB

FEATURING: "OM BOY YO"


Here's a nice list of the things I know how to say in Korean.

My name is Mara. I'm a teacher. I'm from America. I'm 23 years old. Go straight. Turn right. Bring me two beers. Stop. Bring me some kimchi soup. I love you. Where? Take me to the supermarket. This is delicious. You are beautiful. This. That. Duck. Little sister. How much? I have. I don't have. Keep your arms straight. Really? No. Yes. AND &*^$ you.

Most of these things I've learned from keeping my ears open in useful situations. But the phrase I hear most often, with such a frequency that I can barely stand the sound of it, is "OM BOY YO."Translation: "I CAN'T SEE."

Every day I am surrounded my a number of (charming, cute) rugrats who sometimes think I'm their best friend and other times mistake me for a a moving target.

SIDE NOTE: The newest toy on the market is an angry bird pen with a SLING SHOT on the end. If you're ever really pissed at your sister, buy these pens for her children. The slingshot itself is not actually that powerful, but the inspiration it induces is remarkably, devastatingly ANNOYING.



Every day I come in to class, I ask what the day is, and then I write their homework on the board. EVERYDAY. And EVERYDAY, for the entire two minutes it takes me to scribble it down, I hear "TEACHER. OM BOY YO!" repeated over and over and over and over.

Fortunately, as the day goes on and the level of English in my classes increases, this phrase slowly morphs into "I CAN'T SEE."

But the kicker is, it is ALWAYS said in such a way that it seems appalling that I am not invisible.

Like,

TEACHER. HOW DARE YOU FOR ONE SECOND POSITION YOUR BODY IN SUCH A WAY THAT I CANNOT SEE PRECIOUS HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT #8 THAT I DON'T REALLY WANT TO WRITE DOWN ANYWAY BUT IF I DON'T, YOU'RE GOING TO SCREAM AT ME, SO AS PRE-REVENGE I'M GOING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE BY SHOUTING THESE THREE LITTLE WORDS IN TO THE AIR AND HOPE THAT YOU SOMEHOW LEARN TO EXTEND YOUR BODY IN SUCH A WAY AS TO NEVER INCONVENIENCE ME AGAIN.

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